I've always been into music. I'm not a HUGE collector with tons of vinyl albums, I can't play an instrument, I do have around 400 cds and can carry a tune without the use of a bucket. I have been told that I have a good voice, too. As with most people, there are certain things that remind them of the past. For me, it is often scents and music that will bring a memory unbidden to my mind.

Recently, as I was going to buy my books for school, I came across a book that was being advertised and had an interview with the author. He talked how the book was, somewhat, autobiographical in that his relationship with music was similar to his main character. I read on about how he associates music with certain events in his life. I could really relate to that. From earliest memory, I can associate times and places with music I hear.

The Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations" always sends a shiver up my spine in the opening lines. I remember hiding in the back seat of the car when I was probably 2 or 3 because, for some reason, it scared me a little bit but it was a thrilling kind of scared, like what people describe when talking about horror movies.

Most oldies, the Rolling Stones, Beatles, Creedance Clearwater Revival, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Bob Seager, Led Zeppelin, the Doors, and stuff like that reminds me of being out in the garage with my dad, working on cars and motorcycles, and listening to the local rock station 96 WQMF. That was some of the most pleasant memories of my youth, hanging with my dad in the garage.

Most of the "disco" kind of music reminds me of going to the Skate World on Friday nights and Saturdays with my brother, sister and cousin to skate and have a good time. I remember that was the first place I ever heard Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall." It was the first time I ever danced with a girl and, I think, my first kiss and I will always remember Mary Toberman when I hear the song "Reunited" by Peaches & Herb.

REO Speedwagon, AC/DC, Foreigner, and a lot of different music like that will always remind me of my brother, Darin, and grade school at St. Edwards.

Later in life, as I began to grow towards adulthood, other songs began to influence my life. In high school, I was trying so hard to be an individual and different from everyone else. I didn't relate to the big hair bands of the 80's. I didn't relate to the hard rockers, really, either. At that time, I started getting into some old country and waht little of the new wave sound that was available in a little, hick town in Kentucky. Stuff like Gary Numan's "Cars," Devo's "Whip it," and music from movies and what I was hearing on MTV, when I was able to watch it, I was really into but could never find around where I lived. The one big song from high school that I will always remember is "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King because it was the first REAL date I ever went on with my high school sweetheart, Sonia Beard. She was my first love. We were together for about 3 years, off and mostly on. I'm still friends with her, I'm happy to say.

It wasn't until college when I was able to, FINALLY, find a music that I really related to. I was always the weird kid who was into skateboarding in a little farming town in Kentucky. I never really fit into the Glendale area and felt a need to insert my individuality. I continued skating into college and, one evening, one of the big-time basketball players and I were sitting in the day room talking and watching TV. He asked me about music and I didn't really have an answer for him. He drug me down to his dorm room and had me listen to the soundtrack from "The Repo Man." I was instantly hooked. Even before I knew what it was, I knew I had found some music that I related to. When I heard it was called punk music, I immediately started considering myself punk. I have to laugh about that, now. I had so much to learn. Still, though, Iggy Pop, the Circle Jerks, Suicidal Tendencies, Black Flag, the Dead Kennedies, the Dead Milkmen, and, of course, the Sex Pistols became my favorite bands. When I dropped out of college after my first year, I headed back to Louisville, a rebel/punk without a clue.

As the years past, I found myself relating more and more to different types of music. That was when I began to collect songs and bands that I liked. I got into the straight-edge punk scene in Louisville before the straight-edge became hate-edge and got turned on to several local bands like Kinghorse and Endpoint. After I left for the Air Force, I was into Jane's Addiction and Faith No More. When I got to Dover, Delaware, I got heavily into the grunge scene with bands like Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Soundgarden and Alice in Chains. In between, I was getting into other bands like Live, and some bands out of Manchester in the UK like My Bloody Valentine, Ride, the Pale Saints and the like. I really began to have an eclectic collection of cds after working in a music shop and just giving them all my paychecks in exchange for music.

So, I continue to explore the boundaries of music and what people are playing. I have everything from classical and opera to hardcore punk music. I might listen to the extremes one right after the other. I never really got into modern country, though I do like some old country like Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings and that breed of singers. I have a collection of Celtic Scottish and Irish music. I have cds of Gregorian Chant. I have Tebetan monks chanting and banging on gongs. I have oldies. I have all kinds of music. After reading about the book at the beginning of this post, I got to wondering "why?"

Was it me that got into the music because of the way that I was feeling or was it the music that influenced me to feel the way that I felt? The same could be said for movies. Growing up "weird," I was constantly questing for things that would make me different and things that I could relate to. Books, movies and music all influenced this. I wanted to be like John Bender, the rebel, in the movie "The Breakfast Club," even though I shared a name with the "geek" character in the movie. In some ways, I tried to emulate the styles and attitudes from the movies I saw but it was the music that I was around more. It was the music that paralleled my feelings and helped me, in some ways, to develop the personality that I wanted to have.

On this track, though, I know EXACTLY when it was that I, finally, began to develop a little bit of self-confidence. It was through a book. I had always been the hunch-shouldered, book-toting geek who walked close to the lockers and kept to myself my first couple of years of high school. Then I found the book Body Language by Julius Fast. It made me realize that people where only reacting to how I presented myself. So, I started to change the way I walked, I started smiling at people, I walked down the middle of the hall, I exerted a concentrated effort to change the way I carried myself. I began to look at myself in the mirror and, instead of looking at the zits and glasses, the sallow complexion and sunken cheeks, I began to joke with myself. I started to tell myself, out loud, how good I looked. Eventually, I started to do it in public. I'd pass a mirror in the bathroom at school and say "Damn, you look good." People would laugh and so would I but, eventually, somewhere along the way, I started to believe it. And, eventually, so did other people.

I like to try to take credit for "redesigning" myself but I think, in large part, it was all kinds of influences that made me who I am, today. I got good and bad habits from my father, my ex-step-mother, my biological mother, my houseparents and the director at the children's home, movies, books and music. It probably all came together in just such a way as to make me who I am but it's music that reminds me. It's music that can cheer me up or make me feel a bit differently. Music has always been my drug of choice. It helps to calm me or revitalize me. When I'm depressed, sometimes, I can listen to music that matches my mood but, when I'm ready to pull out of it, I put my music player onto shuffle and, before long, a song comes on that makes me feel a little better. Within a few hours, usually, I'm out of my funk and happy, again.

Labels: Me or the music?

  ¶ 9:41 AM

    ¶ 8:49 AM

  Okay, I had a good Christmas. Holly and I went down to visit with her family in Scottsdale, AZ and it was pretty nice. I almost took the motorcycle but decided against it in the last few hours before we left. It was warm enough to ride but I don't think I would have had many opportunities to do so while we were there. So, I guess it was good that I didn't take it. The drive down was fairly uneventful. We hit a little snow south of Orem/Provo area but, once we got past that it was smooth sailing... until we hit Virgin River Canyon. Due to some construction, it took us over an hour just to get through the canyon. Normally, it takes about 20-30 minutes. I did get to see a lot more of the canyon area, like being on a motorcycle, able to swivle my head and look at bit harder. When that got boring, I read a complete chapter out of my book. BTW, I was driving. LOL! When you are doing hte stop and go thing for several miles and the goes are only 5 mph, its pretty easy to do other things.

The actual visit was pretty good, too. Spent a lot of time with Holly's family and her neice and nephews who are a getting big and are a lot of fun. They are heavily into trains and I've been known to dabble so I helped out on the construciton of some tracks. Holly continually surprises me with her resourcefulness and over-spending our limits on gifts. See, before we left, we went to Harbor Freight and got a lot of tools for me, slightly exceding the $400 limit we put on Christmas presents. So, when I got an e-mail saying that something from National Ski Patrol was on it's way to Scottsdale, I was a bit miffed. I was hoping it was something small. No dice. I had shown her a sweater that I really liked that is created by Dale of Norway just for the NSP. This design is only sold through NSP. She, apparently, got on the website, e-mailed someone for contact info, and then got the sweater ordered. This sweater is like $160. She had, also, managed to purchase a framed photograph of a wold at a shop in Park City while we were up there and I never knew. Its smalled but probably still cost about $40 or more. I mean, it IS Park City. I had gotten her a few things while we were in town that I wanted to get her opinion on. Sometimes she is hard to shop for but I got her a roll-around carryon bag that she could put her computer and binders for work into for her day trips. This bag, also, has backpack straps to make it easier to haul around. The other item I got for her was a set of snow shoes. We are both trying to get back into shape and I already have a set so I thought it would be something we could do together as there are trails just up the road from our house. Maybe we can try it out this weekend. We'll see. The other items I got for her were SCA related. She has been wanting a belt and pouch for a while so I grabbed some pics of the net and gave those to her. She can, now, pick out her own fittings and then I'll build the stuff for her. I did bring along the stuff I bought for her and "wrapped" them up so she would have somethign from me to open for Christmas. After all was said and done, we had a good visit. The trip home wasn't as easy as the one in. I had gotten back used to being a dayshifter so I couldn't sleep during her leg of the drive and then started falling asleep a few hours into my own leg. We took turns napping and then driving until we got home. The drive took a lot longer than it should have but we got home safely.

Holly's birthday is two days after Christmas. She really hates having to celebrate her birthday and Christmas at the same time. I kind of broke her rule last year by buying her skis which took up most of her Christmas and Birthday allotment. She got a helmet and ski poles for her Birthday then. This year, though, I had found the perfect gift for her. I saw it in a jewelry store when my sis, Sara, neice, Kory, and Sara's boyfriend, Jason, were in town. I kept trying to get back up to get it for her so she would have it on her Birthday but I knew I wouldn't be able to actually wait for the actual day so its probably best that we waited. We went up to Park City once we got back and I tok her into the shop. I made her wait by the door while the pulled out the ear rings. I was fortunate that they still had them. They are sort of tear drop shaped with a piece of amber at the bottom and a blue tanzanite stone at the top all set into gold. They really look awesome. Once they were out and on the counter, I called Holly over and she just gushed over them so I handed the clerk my card and Holly went to put them on. I could tell she was very happy with them then but even more so on New Year's Eve when she kept coming over to me to kiss on me whenever she saw them in a mirror. Guess I done good.

New Year's was pretty fun. We went to Rich and Kari's and got to socialize with a lot of our friends. There was a lot of drinking going on which makes this crew pretty rowdy. It was fun rowdy, though. No arguing or anything. We had a good time and ended up staying for a while after about everyone else had left. I played some superheroes game with Kari for a bit on their new X-Box 360. Oh, I could see me getting SO addicted to that machine. I went back over a few days later to build the hnefetafl board for the event we were hosting and, when that was done, all of us took a break from our labors and played some more. REALLY ADDICTIVE MACHINE! I don't see me getting one until I'm done with school.

We hosted 12th Night, again, this year. Last year, I was feast-o-crat and Holly ran the event. This year, we let someone else handle feast and we ran the event together. Holly, being better at that kinda thing, handled a lot of the logistics and I just got some merchants together and put together a few things for entertainment. One was the hnefetafl, which is a Viking form of chess, and he other was bells and boffers. Unfortunately, some of the council things ran a bit long and I didn't get to hold my hnefetafl tourney but people still played and I ran the bells and boffers for the kids. They had fun but next time I will get some adults involved and try to keep things a little less chaotic. The feast was very good and went off without a hitch. Lots of great ideas and good Viking fare. Clean up went pretty well and we got outta there RIGHT on time. So, we were home and in bed buy 1am.

So, for that stuff, things have been going well. Unfortunately, my health hasn't been what it should be during a lot of this time. I've been getting a lot of cramps lately. Almost feels like gas but worse than I've ever had it. Finally, I began to narrow it down and it seems that I am developing an intolerance for high fructose corn syrup(HFCS). If you look at the ingredients for most things sweet these days, you will find HFCS. Some foods have more than others. Some, like fruit juices, have high amounts and, with the acidity, give me heart burn and cramps all that the same time. Oh, joy of joys. So, this just reaffirms what I have been thinking of doing anyway. Time to get right with me. Not mentally or emotionally but physically and physiologically. I've never really had to diet my whole life having a high metabolism. That ended while I was over in Saudi Arabia. While there, I developed a bit of IBS or irritable bowel syndrome. Its like all of this shit just popped up one day and I have been struggling through it ever since. In just the little research I have been doing today, though, it seems that everything healthwise I have been sufferend from over the past 10 years has been diet related. So, I'm going to trying to get on a diet. Its not specifically to lose weight as 180-185 is a good weight for me. It is more to promote health and well-being and to get back into shape. Getting back into shape will mean that I'm going to have to make time to work out in all the free time I have between working full time and going to school full time. I have a simple half hour workout routine from Men's Journal that I will probably start off with. I'm really tempted to try out the P90X workout and diet routine, though. We'll see.

Men's Journal... if you haven't checked it out, you should. I love this magazine! It does seem to be written primarliy for the yuppy, armchair adventurer but it is still pretty damned good. It has damned good articles, lots of nifty tech gear in every issue, and stuff like the best cuts of meat, how to grill a steak to perfection, different ideas for food, workouts for specific things, and all kinds of other little interesting blurbs. The most recent one had an article that I guess should be termed an environmental or Save the Whales/Dolphins piece in it. From that statement, you'd probably think me anti-eco. I'm not. Far from it. I just don't see the way a lot of people look at the environment and the problems as being very helpful in the short term or mattering overmuch in the long term.

Take, for example, global warming. You hear how this and that and the other is the major casue of global warming. From cow farts to big business' industrial plants and on and on and on. I think I may have mentioned this in an earlier rant but, to me, turning down the A/C or the heater might help a lot. Think about this. We, as a species, have pretty much begun to enhabit MOST of the planet's surface. In the more developed countries, we crank up the heat to a balmy 70+ degress in the winter and crank the A/C down to a chilly 60 degrees or so in the summer. The more we spread into areas with harsher climates and environments, the more energy it takes to keep us comfortable. Then, with the housing practices being what they are, how much heat escapes from our homes during the winter? Ever paid attention to the cold drafts blowing through your house or how often your heater comes on in a one hour time frame? Now, besides the energy consumption, no one ever mentions what happens to all that heat. I wonder how much heat escapes from the average home and leaks into the environment. Now, multiply that amount by the number of homes on your street, your block, your community, your city, your state, you get the point. How much heat do we put out into the environment that might be assisting the global warming trend? In my studies of the pre-Columbian exploration of the Americas, I read something that suprised me. Even a change of a few degrees in the ocean temps and the air temps could cause VAST changes in the habitablitiy of the northen climes. About 1000 years ago, there was a pretty drastic change in the climate and the earth went through a period of warmth that we haven't seen until recently. Perhaps this is a cyclic action? Mind you, I'm sure that we are having SOME impact on what is going on. We have to be. But maybe there are other answers that are small scale that can have a big effect in the long run.

The answer might make us a little uncomfortable but our bodies have had years to adapt and, I'm sure, in know time, your body will have adapted, as well. Hell, maybe you'll find that winter isn't quite as cold or summer quite as hot if you are living in an environment that is just a few degrees closer to the ambient temp. Maybe turn the heater or A/C just 5 degrees away from your comfort zone and put on a sweat shirt and slippers indoors during the winter. Maybe open the windows and encourage some regular air flow through the house on days when the temps won't kill you. Maybe you can take a two part initiative and plant some trees around your house that, once they are mature, will shade your home from teh sun a bit more AND cycle more carbon dioxide into oxygen. Maybe find out ways to install solar panels or wind turbines so that you can decrease your personal consumption of energy. There are lots of little things you can do to help make changes. Mind you, I'm not on a soap box. I haven't done much, yet. I let the shower run too long. I leave lights and computers on that don't need to be. I do a lot of things wrong but I'm hoping to start making some changed once we get into our own place. Some of these things are stuff that you could do with your family on a weekend. Look at greener alternatives to everything that you do. Share your experiences. You don't have to be some pot-smoking, hacky-sack kicking, frisby throwing, dreadlocked, patchouli wearing hippy to make a difference. Its actually the more analytically minded people that, once they start down the right road, that make the biggest difference.  ¶ 7:50 AM

  Praying for Interstate 35

Okay, I'm coming in to school this morning and as I walked through the main rotunda area I see the news is playing a story about people praying for Interstate 35. Praying. For an Interstate. Yet one more reason that I wonder if we, as a race, do not deserve to be exterminated. Maybe the Islamic Extremists are right. Maybe we do need to be wiped off the face of the Earth. Now, I say this before I go and read what these idiots are praying about. I just started reading. Its even more annoying than what I first thought.

Apparently, Isaiah 35:8 says something about a "Highway of Light" where nothing impure can travel on, the wicked will not be allowed, etc. Well, these retards believe this to be Highway 35 which starts in Duluth, Minnesota and ends on a bridge into Mexico in Laredo, Texas is this highway. There is even a Highway of Light prophet. I mean, come on people, what the fuck are you thinking? Did mommy drop you on the head one too many times? Now, I can understand that you don't want pornography being displayed close to the highways. You don't want them near your schools and churches or anywhere that kids might be able to see them. I understand all that. But making up "unnamed German prophets" and talking how God downloaded information to you? In the immortal words of Monty Python, "You're a loony!"

I, also, understand that you want to blame the influence of gay bars, shops dealing in pornographic materials, abortion clinics, as well as the ever present drugs, alcohol and prostitution instead of your bad parenting on why the world is the way it is. Really, I understand. Instead of staying home and maybe instilling some good Christian values in your children, you are off having 24-hour prayer rituals, making signs and protesting in front of shops and bars that would, otherwise, not have such GREAT advertising, and do everything you can to save your children's souls from evil... unless that action was to sit down and carry on a conversation with little Johnny and Jane. Maybe teach them better morals than to run off and get pregnant and need one of those abortion clinics. Maybe let them explore their sexuality in a healthy way instead of making it bad to touch themselves or see how beautiful the human body can be. Maybe allow them to grow used to the appearance of the naked human body so that, when they get older, it takes more than the sight of a nude person to get them turned on which, in turn, begins to take away from the pornographic industries main source of income... pictures of naked people. Maybe show them the love and affection they need so that they don't turn away from your religion and get into drugs, drinking and selling their bodies. And God forbid that you should accept if Johnny falls in love with Jack or Jane falls in love with Mary! I mean, it is WRONG for people to be in love, right? Because love is NOT what we need more of in the world! What we need is less acceptance for our fellow man, less love, less light and more rules and regulations, more hate and fear. It should only be love between a man and a woman, right? We won't go into how much extra-curricular love and extra-marital affairs takes place amongst the congregations of churches because when you throw that many people together, you are going to meet interesting people. We REALLY don't want two human beings to fall in love and be accepted by their community, friends and family and to share their lives together. You know, maybe it all started when you assholes allowed cross-cultural, cross-theological, cross-race, and cross-town marriages to start taking place. Is that what is next? You start controlling, again, who people can marry? Johnny can't marry Jane because Johnny is white and Jane is black? Johnny is a Baptist and Jane is a Catholic? Johnny is English and Jane is German? Johnny is middle-lower class and Jane is upper-middle class? Johnny's hair and eyes are brown and everyone knows that the master race needs to be blonde haired and blue eyed like Jane? Seig Heil!

Why in the name of all that is holy can't people concentrate on what is REALLY important? Why can't people concentrate on their own families and helping out their neighbors? That is one of the biggest things I think that we are missing in our communities today... A SENSE OF COMMUNITY. You have Catholics living next to Baptist living next to Methodists living next to Pagans and none of them says a word to each other. Even during my childhood I remember having block parties where everyone in the neighborhood came out and had a good time. You got to know your neighbors. Neighbors would come over for special dinners or had cook-outs together. A neighbor would be sick so dad or one of us boys would mow their grass for them. A new baby in the neighborhood and people showed up to see the new joy and brought food so the new mom didn't have to cook for those first couple of days. That is what community is all about. These days, families have become so insular and self-contained that its no wonder that there are so many problems in the world. Everything kids learn are from the video games, TV and internet. They are not learning and real problem solving skills from dealing with other kids. Remember the days when you would be outside playing with the neighborhood kids and then there was a problem. You ran home and told your mom and dad about it and they told you how to deal with it or called Robbie's parents and then Robbie's parents told Robbie and your parents told you how to handle it. It usually ended with you and Robbie shaking hands and going off to play again. These days, Johnny is playing with Tommy from acrossed the country and they are only interested in "owning" the other players in the game. Owning is usually done with a high calibre, high powered, high rate of fire weapon. Is it any wonder that kids are solving their problems at school with guns, now?

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think anything bad about these games. I think that they are great. I think the problem falls back to parenting. Mom and Dad are too busy with their careers to be bothered to raise their kids. They make more and more money and toys have taken the place of parenting. Its like the parents feel guilty for leaving their kids for so long so they buy them toys take their places. So, kids today are being raised by X-box, PS2, TV, and PC games and chat rooms. They are presented with crap like Hannah Montana and some of these other programs that are more concerned with images and sexiness and dating and stuff that they shouldn't even be having to face, yet. Parents wonder what is making their kids grow up so fast... the answer is that the parent is making it happen. I can't tell you the number of times I hear parents in stores telling their kids "Act your age." The kid is 5 freaking years old and wanting to play with toys in the store. THE KID IS ACTING HIS AGE, dumbass. Or the other one that gets to me is a parent hollering "GROW UP!" at their little kid and then complainging when little Sally gets pregnant at 14. Guess what, fucktard, you got your wish!

You know, I complain about all this but I don't think it will ever get any better. Everyone has their excuses. I'm too busy... I'm too tired... I'm too STUPID to be a parent. Of course, I say all this and have no children of my own. I have always wanted kids but, coming from my background, I have had a hard time finding the right lady. Its taken a while but I think I have, finally, found her. I know that I think she will be a great mom to our kids. I think I will be a GREAT dad. I am looking forward to helping them with their homework, taking them to practices and games and being that parent that sits in the stands and cheers for my kid. I want to be the parent that builds forts and club houses for the neighborhood kids to play in. I want to be the dad that can have tea parties with my daughter and Mr. Bear and Ms. Kitty. I want to be a father that takes their kids sledding and biking and hiking and camping and.... well, I guess you get the picture. I've always wanted to be a dad. I think I'm finally ready.  ¶ 8:22 AM

  I wonder why it is that, whenever I am somewhere and get an idea for a rant that I am not near a computer where I can post said rant? Then, by the time I am able to sit down and write, well, it just doesn't seem all that important any more. Just one of those little quirks of life, I guess. That or I just am not dedicated to being pissed off about something for long enough to write about it much less actually DO anything about it.

One thing I found humorous and a tribute to American entertainment was the news announcements about Brittany Spears' 16 year old sister being pregnant. Must have been a slow news day because I was sitting in front of the TV in the lunch room here at school reading a book and heard it announced like 15 or 20 times in the 30 minutes I was there. And, really, lets think about this. No one really cares about what that tramp Brittany is up to these days. She has proved herself to be crazed with her celebrity and getting deranged as that celebrity leaves her. Each new episode is another degrading, downward turn in her life. As with so many people in the past, they just can't handle the notoriety of being famous. I know its horrible but, sometimes, I just wish that they would do take the big leap and take themselves out. Unfortunately, Brittany will probably be with us for at least another decade, giving us something to shake our heads about and thanking our lucky stars that "That ain't my life!"

I have a REAL hard time with people who can't handle the pressures of being famous. I mean, I know it has to be rough going out into public and having adoring fans following you around or disturbing a family outting. That would realy suck. But, hey, that is the price of fame, right? You don't like it, move to a little town in Idaho and get outta Hollywood. I remember a story told to me by some friends who meet Orlando Bloom. Nick and Lynn own the Leatherhead back home in Louisiville, KY. Orlando shows up, out of the blue and unannounced. He was in town filming the movie, Elizabethtown. Now, Nick probably wouldn't have known him from Adam but Lynn did. I'm sure that she gave him her usual grand welcome to the store that she gives every customer but was able to call him by name. Now, these folks are really "down home" and don't put on aires though they are on first name basis with a lot of famous folks. So, Orlando hung out for a while and ordered some dog collars for Oprah whose show he was to appear on in the near future. I'm sure that Nick was his usual attentive but gruff self that would make the Pope feel like he's just a next door neighbor. So, I'm not sure if it was then or when he came to pick up the collars but, apparently, someone saw him go into the shop. When he tried to leave, Bardstown Road was packed with people. He was very genial. He stopped and talked to the fans and was really kuhl. Apparently, one young lady was so taken with him that, when he stopped and talked to her, she burst into tears and fainted. It must have taken him forever to get out of there. Now, that is really kuhl for all of his fans and it makes me think that Orlando is a really kuhl guy. Unlike some other celebs that snub their fans.

Then you have the celebs that really think they have a responsibility or the right to tell us how to vote or how to live when they are so disconnected from what real life is all about. They act like they are above us all and above the law and then want to preach to us about how to live our lives, who to vote for, and all kinds of other shit. I don't know. I don't think that anyone who would name their band after their grandmother's psychedelic jelly and freely admits to the use of drugs should be telling me ANYTHING about how to live. Yes, I like Pearl Jam's music but I just want them to keep their hands on their instruments, their heads on their lyrics and their opinions to themselves.

Oh, something else that recently anoyed me was the Waterboard torture crap. I saw were people are having protests about our government torturing people. At heart, I am against people being tortured. I am against anyone taking away the rights of anyone else. I am against mistreatment of people in any way shape or form. I am also against people protesting, though. What do these people think that this will accomplish? And then you have the restards that want to protest having Christ in Christmas, the Ten Commandments in the Courthouse, and whatever else that they can whine about. Why aren't they running over to areas where our own people are being tortured and killed and protesting there? I'd like to see some of these holier-than-thou assholes run over to Iraq and protest the beheading of innocent people for the perceived crimes of a nation. I mean, what the hell? Terrorists are the lowest form of cowards and scum anyway. They have perverted the religion that they do these attrocities so that they feel better about their acts. They claim to kill in the name of their god and his prophet. Sound familiar? I mean, come on, you can't still be pissed off about the Crusades! It was almost 1000 years ago. And, yet, these people act just like the Christians when they sacked Jerusalem. The only difference is that those psychos travelled by ship, horse and foot through extreme conditions and then FACED their enemies and allowed them to fight for their cause. The jihad-extremists won't allow anyone to fight man-to-man. They kill from a distance or they send in a suicide bomber to just take human life. I don't know if they read the book the same way but the Old Testament, which is a part of their religion, still says THOU SHALT NOT KILL! So, I have some sympathy for those that are being tortured, it isn't proving anything. Look at the Spanish Inquisition. They proved that torture can elicit any response that you want to hear.

Alright, my thoughts are all over the place, today. I should be doing school work. I just can't get into it lately. I'm exhausted all the time. I failed my first test yesterday. I really tried to study it but there is just so much information packed into these later chapters that I am getting overwhelmed. I need my up-coming vacation SO bad. I've been half-heartedly looking forward to this ski season and now I don't even want that to start up until I get back. Normally, I'm praying for snow and wanting more and more and more powder. This year, I don't want it to snow any more until I get back from Scottsdale. Once I'm back and my head is back in the right place I think I will be ready to deal, again. For now, though, I want it to STOP! I want everything to slow down so I can sleep for more than 4 or 5 horus. I want to be able to eat without feeling nauseous. I don't want my eyes to feel like they are full of sand or dried out. I want to spend time with Holly and maye do something fun! And I've only been going back to school for 2 months, now. LOL! Hopefully, the schedule change will make things better after the holidays. Until then... life sucks.  ¶ 9:45 AM

  I don't know how it came up last night but I went on a rant with some of the guys I work with. One of the things I hate most in the world is hypocrisy. Its one of the main reasons that I do not get more involved in organized religion. In grade school, I was very caught up in religion and was a very devout Roman Catholic. I went to a Catholic grade school, was baptized into the religion, received First Communion, went through the Confirmation ritual, and all that. I was pretty into it. So much so that I was, at one time, interested in becoming a priest. Then I went to Glen Dale.

Glen Dale was the children's home that I lived in through my high school days. It was a part of the Kentucky Baptist Homes for Children network. Now, while there, they wanted all of the members of the home to go to church together so you were encouraged to go to the local church, Gilead Baptist Church with all of your cottage-mates. I was okay with it. I got to attend mass when I went home to visit my family and it exposed me to another religion. It was here that I first encountered what I knew to be hypocrisy. Most of the people that went to the church were pretty cool with the home kids. Yeah, a lot of us were miscreants and troubled youth but we, predominantly, behaved while at church. There were a few though that did not treat us with any respect and went out of their way to snub us or treat us badly. One of those was not only a church member but a teacher at our high school and a basketball coach. He absolutely hated us home kids. Stuff like that really turned me off of religion. I know, its a couple of people that acted like that but the old saying comes to mind... a couple of bad apples spoil the whole bunch.

So, what got me going last night was the hypocrisy of a lot of women. I don't remember how it came up but I got reminded of it this weekend and it has been in my head for a few days, now. I get so sick and tired of hearing these women's groups going on about how men exploit women by buying magazines with naked women in them or, heaven forbid, someone should get a porn movie.. I could see it back in the day when the women weren't getting paid worth a damn but, therse days, porn stars are making damned good money. So, is it them being exploited or doing the exploiting? I mean, what woman doesn't know that most guys think with their dicks? Personally, I think it is a big conspiracy. Women know guys want to look at naked women. So, they make the porn and smut and get it distributed. Then the women turn around and start complaining to keep the porn off the shelves making it hard to find and buy. Its like they want to keep it regulated so that the prices are higher. I mean, if women walked around naked all the time, guys would get used to seeing the naked form, and the porn industrty would fall on it's face. So, the answer is start opening more nude beaches and such. Right? Like that'll ever happen when there is industry where women can get PAID to take off their clothing.

So, this little thing on HBO I saw kinda got me thinking about this, again. It is a topic that I can go on and on about. It was a naked porn star showing off the latest and greatest in the adult toy industry. Use a naked, good-looking starlet and you've got the guys' attention. But you could tell that this show was, for the most part, tailored towards women. The first 90 5 of the show was all toys for women. The last few minutes had a couple of things for guys. I mean, get real. Its okay for a woman to go out and spend $40 or $50 on a dildo but a guy spends $15 on a year's subscription to Playboy and he is a perv? I mean, the last time I saw a Playboy, there were a handful of pictures of women and all the rest was stories and articles and a lot of non-sex related stuff. But open up any women's magazine and you'll find some article on how to train your man to pleasure a woman properly or 100 best places to have sex or some other BS. No pictures, of course, but you get the idea. Either way, its all the PORN INDUSTRY that is being supported by both sides of the fence but only men get called pervs. Goes back to that whole concept of different strokes for different folks. A woman grabs a man's ass and its funny. A man grabs a woman's ass and it's a fireable offense. Yeah, things are swinging around because you have so many "sensitive" guys these days. Really, though, to me, its all just a big hypocrisy.

Overall, it's all about people. You can have a full-proof, idiot-free, GREAT IDEA but get a couple of people involved in it and in no time flat, it sucks. Religion to me is a great concept. At a time when man was running around killing each other without thought, here comes a NEW CONCEPT. This higher power is looking down on us, watching what we do and say and think and feel and judging us. If we are good boys and girls, eat our veggies, and play nice with each other, we get to go to heaven! If we aren't well, we burn in hell for eternity. I think the concept started out very well. Then man started sticking his hands into it, mucking about and changing things. I think that God started off as this very forgiving, loving, nurturing being. As man changed things, though, he became vengeful, spiteful, and unforgiving. To me, that is just WRONG. Take Abraham for instance. God wants to test old Abe so He tells Abe to sacrifice his son to Him as a show of devotion. Abe is flabbergasted. He loves his boy and he loves God, so he is heartbroken when he leads his son out to slay him. At the last second, God stays his hand and says that Abe passed the test. WTF? That doesn't sound like the God I like to think as all powerful and all knowing. That sounds to me like a man testing a man. Actually, it sounds more like a WOMAN testing a man. LOL! Just kidding... sorta. Honestly, though, I wonder what the original bible actually said. It has been changed and strained and editted by man so much that it is probably unrecognizable to the original texts.

So, as you can see, I have some problems with religion. Actually, I have problems with a lot of things that people put a name to. I think that man has taken to many liberties with naming and getting involved with stuff. We have rules to just have rules or so some jackass can make sure his name goes down in history. Rules surround us and they are only getting worse. Soon, we will have so many restrictions placed upon us that we will no longer be the land of the free and home of the brave. We will be the land of the people smashed into tight little boxes of conformity, home of the people afraid to leave their own homes for fear of offending someone else and getting sued. The land of lawyers and rule makers, whiners and morally-better-than-you, can't haves, wanna haves, and since I can't have it no one cans.

I get so frustrated by all the legalese bullshit that takes place around this time every year, too. Christmas. It can't be a Christmas tree any more because that offends someone somewhere. Instead of laughing behind their hands at the Christmas trees pagan connotations as the Yule Log, the Wiccans and other pagan organizations are getting militant and sue happy. Can't have the 10 commandment without the 3 fold law in the court house! WTF are people thinking? Our laws are based on the 10 commandments. Can't have a Christmas tree displayed unless you are displaying a menorah and everyone else's holiday icon. And then, to top it off, Christmas has become such a glut of spending and commercialism that it starts earlier every year. I can understand a big spending day after Thanksgiving but now I'm seeing Christmas shit displayed BEFORE HALLOWEEN! Come on, people.

Anyway, I've got a million and one things to bitch, moan, groan, whine and complain about. Like I always tell people, if I don't have anything to bitch about, I ain't happy. So, until next time, stay out of my way, drive like you got sense, stay the fuck off your cell phone unless you can put both hands on the wheel and talk and drive at the same time, and Happy Holidays! I'll be posting my Christmas wish list soon!  ¶ 1:41 PM

  Bring on the boring!

So, when last we were with our main character, Brian, he was giving out the basic details of his life and dredging up an outline of his history. He was looking forward to a long weekend of rest and relaxation. His girlfriend, Holly, was going out of town so the house would be quiet and he would sleep a lot, lounge around in his underwear, shower when he felt like it, and eat whatever he felt like eating. As with all great plans, though, once engagement takes place, the plan goes out the window. So goes the set up for today's rant.

Okay, I knew things weren't going to be QUITE that relaxing this weekend but I was really hoping to get SOME rest. Holly and I have been working pretty hard the last few weekends to get ready for my sister, Sara, my neice, Kory, and Sara's boyfriend/fiance, Jason, to come into town for Thanksgiving. They came, they saw, we ate, we shopped, they left, and I, at the end of all this, was exhausted. I did half-days of school while they were in town so as to keep up with my school work and maintain my 85% attendance that is required by the VA for me to get my full time money. (By the by, I want to insert, while I am sitting here in class, eating a Light Fat Free yogurt, that I DETEST Light Fat Free crap and aspartame or any artificial sweetners!) So, this weekend was supposed to be sitting on my ass, enjoying one weekend before I get into ski patrol and Christmas mode. It was not to be.

First off, I feel bad because I was supposed to go over to one of my fellow workers homes to look at a car I want to buy from him. I was pretty tired on Friday and totally spaced it. I knew there was something I needed to do but couldn't recall what it was and so ran some errands and then went home. I had to send out a quick fax for one of our SCA folks as Holly is the treasurer of our local group and then I was all prepared for veg time. As I got home it had started to snow a little bit. I sat around for a bit, vegged out in front of the toob. It continued to snow. I decided that I should stay up as long as possible so as not to completely throw off my graveshift sleeping schedule.The last few hours I was awake I spent playing some America's Army but couldn't hang for very long and was asleep by around 4:30am.

I woke up around 9am. I was not very happy to be awake but I couldn't go back to sleep, as much as I tried, so I got up. So, even as exhausted as I had been, being up for well over 24 hours, actually, closer to 30 hours, I guess my body is getting used to 5 hours of sleep. So, I decided to continue to veg in front of the TV as I had slept on my couch though I had almost pulled out the couch bed on Holly's couch. I watched a little bit of TV, got up, fed the dogs, got out the HTML books so I could set up the website for the SCA event that Holly and I will be running in January, and started to browse through those books. I, eventually, went up and decided to see if I could find the VA paperwork I need to get the school stuff going on but couldn't find it so I got dressed and went out and started shoveling the driveway. Mind you, 12 inches of light, powdery, Utah snow, even if it has melted down a little bit, is still heavy when you have to shovel the whole thing alone. Holly and I texted back and forth about getting a snowblower. She doesn't really think we need one so I'll let her shovel the next big snowfall or finish the sidewalks and the little area at the top of the drive and she how she feels about it afterwards. So, I would shovel for an hour, take a break for a bit and then go back out and shovel for another hour. It took me close to 3 hours when all was said and done, including a little area out back so the dogs wouldn't think it was okay to pee or crap on the deck. Then I took a hot shower and took myself out to eat.

One thing I have never really minded was going out to eat alone. I feel, as long as I have a book, I have a date. My final rest period, after the shoveling and before the shower, I ended up watching most of the movie Infamous about Truman Capote when he was writing "In Cold Blood." It was a really good movie and reminded me of something else I have been thinking a lot about lately. I have never really gotten into reading classic or mainstream literature. Yeah, I've read some of the ones that we were all forced to read in school like "To Kill a Mockingbird" and stuff like that. I read some of the old Greek stuff like the "Iliad" just because I was into the stories about warriors and stuff like that, too. But I have never read some of the stuff like Jack Kerouac, Jane Austen, Milton, Steinbeck, Hawthorne, Bronte, etc, etc, etc al. Now, mind you, I'm not one to judge a person by what they have read. I read a lot of fantasy and sci-fi. I have read some of the classic sci-fi and fantasy authors but its just not the same. So, I made a decision, every time I go into the book store in the future, I'm getting something new along the lines of classical fiction. I have actually been told by some people that are a bit better read in those fields that I would really enjoy some of the different artists. So, I ran to Barnes and Noble and I got some of the Morgan LLewellyn books and I got "In Cold Blood" by Truman Capote. I decided to read that first and headed for the Cracker Barrel.

Okay, two quick side trips, here. And, yes, I DO have AADHD (thats Adult Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) so be prepared for many such side trips into my mentality. First, Cracker Barrel is one of those places that, to me, is just an ideal perfected. It is one of the VERY few places in Utah that I can get sweet tea that is made to perfection. They, also, have catfish, pinto beans, turnip greens, country ham, and hash brown casserole. If there is a Temple or Mecca for this Kentucky Boy in Utah, it is the friendly, neighborhood Cracker Barrel. I have always loved them. In fact, when I was stationed in Dover, DE, I had one of the Cracker Barrel maps in my car and that is how I decided where I was stopping on my longer trips. I am ery fortunate here in Utah to have several along I-15. Secondly, there is no better feeling than to go in somewhere for comfort food and have a server that is second to none. I had one of the best dining experiences I have had in a long, long time. First off, I know what I like to eat at most restaurants that I frequent. You can tell what I am craving by where I decide that I want to go eat. So, I went in for catfish, turnip greens, pinto beans with diced onions and chow-chow on the side, fried apples, biscuits with strawberry jam, and, of course, my sweet tea. I told the hostess that I didn't need a menu and she commenced to taking my order to pass on to my server, Mike. Mike, I think, was short for Saint Michael. Normally, I tell the server to bring me back a refill as soon as they set down my drink because I am going to drain that puppy dry as soon as it hits the table. I didn't have to tell St. Mike. He showed up with two glasses of tea for me. I almost wept. He told me that he thought I might be a big tea drinker. I wanted to hug him. Throughout the course of my meal, as soon as one glass was empty, he was there to refill it, even though I still had a second glass to drink from. So, when I left, he got the just under 50% tip ($5 on an $11 tab). That was almost the best part of my entire weekend.

When I got home, I started really hitting the computer hard. I threw in a load of laundry while the computer reboted (I really need to build a new computer!) and got to work. I decided that I was going to try Comcast's personal web page builder to just do a quick and easy, down and dirty webpage for the event announcement. About 4 or 5 frustrating hours later, I gave up. I couldn't even get my test page to show up. Actually, it may have shown up somewhere but I didn't know where to look for it. So, I started looking at my Valhalla-Reenactment.org website and trying to remember how Patty helped me to set it up. I was too frustrated, though, so I went back to the books and started to page through and watch TV for a bit. Once frustration levels died off, I went back to it in the wee hours of the morning.

Now, mind you, I'm relatively knowledgable on the net but nowhere NEAR what I want to be. I know a lot more than what I think I do but terminology and how to really put it all together has always been my biggest problem. I'm slowly learning it as I attend my classes and learn more every day. I still have a long way to go, though. That goes especially for web design. Kind of funny, though, that I am beginning to pick it up a bit and still haven't taken a class for it. I'll really be delving into it more now that I am supposed to be the webminister for the local chapter of the SCA, too. So, I started off making a copy of my front page on my website and renaming it so I could look it over and play with it. I immediately remembered ow to get rid of my side bar with all the little buttons and took that out. I started tweaking it here and there and trying to figure out how to move around in there and get it to do exactly what I wanted to do. I was getting tired, though, and as I have always believed, taking a little break from something sometimes makes things just really click when you go back to it. So, I went and slept for a while and actually got around 7 hours of sleep. Woo hoo! Just before I went to bed, though, Holly called to tell me that she had hit some ice and gone Dukes of Hazarding off the road she was on and had ended up on the median. I talked to her for a bit, waited to make sure she was okay and all that, and then I went to bed. I woke up a little while before she got home and went back to laundry and trying to get ready for her arrival home so we could go eat. We were both a little testy to start off with but, once we got to Ruby River, my favorite steak place in the area, things started to look up. One of our favorite servers, Dave, was working and I requested being seated in his section as he always takes good care of us. I ordered my usual, 16 oz New York Strip- rare, Steamed Vegetables, Raspberry Vinagrette on a house salad, good sourdough bread, some really tasty jalapeno poppers and a non-sweetened iced. Holly and I talked for a bit and were both feeling tons better by the time we got home. I suddenly realized that the new SCi-Fi Channel show was on Tinman and we tuned in to that. Holly fell asleep on the couch and I watched that and another movie and then sent Holly to bed and sat back down in front of my computer. Sure enough, my little break from looking, working or thinking about the webpage paid off.

I realized that the probelm I was having was that I hadn't been thinking about the .css file. This file holds all of the basic formatting for the web pages on my site. Once I got in, copied it to a new file name and made some changes there, things really just fell together. I played with Gimp for a while getting the header graphic JUST right. Then I finished off the rest of the site. It still needs a little tweaking but the basic site is up, now. It only took me maybe 2 hours once I realized my mistake and I felt a great sense of accomplishment as I had figured it all out on my own.

Anyway, I better get back into my book. I'm at school right now and want to finish this chapter before the end of the day. School is breezing along but I've been goofing off a lot, lately. I hope this missive finds everyone well!

Cheers!
Brian  ¶ 8:32 AM