I've always been into music. I'm not a HUGE collector with tons of vinyl albums, I can't play an instrument, I do have around 400 cds and can carry a tune without the use of a bucket. I have been told that I have a good voice, too. As with most people, there are certain things that remind them of the past. For me, it is often scents and music that will bring a memory unbidden to my mind.
Recently, as I was going to buy my books for school, I came across a book that was being advertised and had an interview with the author. He talked how the book was, somewhat, autobiographical in that his relationship with music was similar to his main character. I read on about how he associates music with certain events in his life. I could really relate to that. From earliest memory, I can associate times and places with music I hear.
The Beach Boys' "Good Vibrations" always sends a shiver up my spine in the opening lines. I remember hiding in the back seat of the car when I was probably 2 or 3 because, for some reason, it scared me a little bit but it was a thrilling kind of scared, like what people describe when talking about horror movies.
Most oldies, the Rolling Stones, Beatles, Creedance Clearwater Revival, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Bob Seager, Led Zeppelin, the Doors, and stuff like that reminds me of being out in the garage with my dad, working on cars and motorcycles, and listening to the local rock station 96 WQMF. That was some of the most pleasant memories of my youth, hanging with my dad in the garage.
Most of the "disco" kind of music reminds me of going to the Skate World on Friday nights and Saturdays with my brother, sister and cousin to skate and have a good time. I remember that was the first place I ever heard Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall." It was the first time I ever danced with a girl and, I think, my first kiss and I will always remember Mary Toberman when I hear the song "Reunited" by Peaches & Herb.
REO Speedwagon, AC/DC, Foreigner, and a lot of different music like that will always remind me of my brother, Darin, and grade school at St. Edwards.
Later in life, as I began to grow towards adulthood, other songs began to influence my life. In high school, I was trying so hard to be an individual and different from everyone else. I didn't relate to the big hair bands of the 80's. I didn't relate to the hard rockers, really, either. At that time, I started getting into some old country and waht little of the new wave sound that was available in a little, hick town in Kentucky. Stuff like Gary Numan's "Cars," Devo's "Whip it," and music from movies and what I was hearing on MTV, when I was able to watch it, I was really into but could never find around where I lived. The one big song from high school that I will always remember is "Stand By Me" by Ben E. King because it was the first REAL date I ever went on with my high school sweetheart, Sonia Beard. She was my first love. We were together for about 3 years, off and mostly on. I'm still friends with her, I'm happy to say.
It wasn't until college when I was able to, FINALLY, find a music that I really related to. I was always the weird kid who was into skateboarding in a little farming town in Kentucky. I never really fit into the Glendale area and felt a need to insert my individuality. I continued skating into college and, one evening, one of the big-time basketball players and I were sitting in the day room talking and watching TV. He asked me about music and I didn't really have an answer for him. He drug me down to his dorm room and had me listen to the soundtrack from "The Repo Man." I was instantly hooked. Even before I knew what it was, I knew I had found some music that I related to. When I heard it was called punk music, I immediately started considering myself punk. I have to laugh about that, now. I had so much to learn. Still, though, Iggy Pop, the Circle Jerks, Suicidal Tendencies, Black Flag, the Dead Kennedies, the Dead Milkmen, and, of course, the Sex Pistols became my favorite bands. When I dropped out of college after my first year, I headed back to Louisville, a rebel/punk without a clue.
As the years past, I found myself relating more and more to different types of music. That was when I began to collect songs and bands that I liked. I got into the straight-edge punk scene in Louisville before the straight-edge became hate-edge and got turned on to several local bands like Kinghorse and Endpoint. After I left for the Air Force, I was into Jane's Addiction and Faith No More. When I got to Dover, Delaware, I got heavily into the grunge scene with bands like Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Soundgarden and Alice in Chains. In between, I was getting into other bands like Live, and some bands out of Manchester in the UK like My Bloody Valentine, Ride, the Pale Saints and the like. I really began to have an eclectic collection of cds after working in a music shop and just giving them all my paychecks in exchange for music.
So, I continue to explore the boundaries of music and what people are playing. I have everything from classical and opera to hardcore punk music. I might listen to the extremes one right after the other. I never really got into modern country, though I do like some old country like Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings and that breed of singers. I have a collection of Celtic Scottish and Irish music. I have cds of Gregorian Chant. I have Tebetan monks chanting and banging on gongs. I have oldies. I have all kinds of music. After reading about the book at the beginning of this post, I got to wondering "why?"
Was it me that got into the music because of the way that I was feeling or was it the music that influenced me to feel the way that I felt? The same could be said for movies. Growing up "weird," I was constantly questing for things that would make me different and things that I could relate to. Books, movies and music all influenced this. I wanted to be like John Bender, the rebel, in the movie "The Breakfast Club," even though I shared a name with the "geek" character in the movie. In some ways, I tried to emulate the styles and attitudes from the movies I saw but it was the music that I was around more. It was the music that paralleled my feelings and helped me, in some ways, to develop the personality that I wanted to have.
On this track, though, I know EXACTLY when it was that I, finally, began to develop a little bit of self-confidence. It was through a book. I had always been the hunch-shouldered, book-toting geek who walked close to the lockers and kept to myself my first couple of years of high school. Then I found the book
Body Language by Julius Fast. It made me realize that people where only reacting to how I presented myself. So, I started to change the way I walked, I started smiling at people, I walked down the middle of the hall, I exerted a concentrated effort to change the way I carried myself. I began to look at myself in the mirror and, instead of looking at the zits and glasses, the sallow complexion and sunken cheeks, I began to joke with myself. I started to tell myself, out loud, how good I looked. Eventually, I started to do it in public. I'd pass a mirror in the bathroom at school and say "Damn, you look good." People would laugh and so would I but, eventually, somewhere along the way, I started to believe it. And, eventually, so did other people.
I like to try to take credit for "redesigning" myself but I think, in large part, it was all kinds of influences that made me who I am, today. I got good and bad habits from my father, my ex-step-mother, my biological mother, my houseparents and the director at the children's home, movies, books and music. It probably all came together in just such a way as to make me who I am but it's music that reminds me. It's music that can cheer me up or make me feel a bit differently. Music has always been my drug of choice. It helps to calm me or revitalize me. When I'm depressed, sometimes, I can listen to music that matches my mood but, when I'm ready to pull out of it, I put my music player onto shuffle and, before long, a song comes on that makes me feel a little better. Within a few hours, usually, I'm out of my funk and happy, again.
Labels: Me or the music?
